( Alarm hits first, eyes WIDENED as all he could do was WATCH, watch as the CHAOS UNFOLDED. Instinctively, his hands moved to the wheels of the chair, pushing back despite the fact that she was NOWHERE NEAR his line of fire, but perhaps it was simply out of SHOCK. And guilt. He’d caused this. He’d SNAPPED AT HER, because… why? Why had he snapped at her? Because she’d been rude? She was ALWAYS RUDE, especially to him. But as the STORM RAGED ON, the telepath couldn’t help but feel like, PERHAPS… this wasn’t about him. Not really. She wasn’t ANGRY AT HIM. This… this was something else. Something DEEPER.
And when she had finally EXHAUSTED HERSELF, when grief won out and the ANGER SUBSIDED, Charles slowly, carefully approached, eyes fixed on her, ready to back away at a moment’s notice, should she quickly take another violent turn. But she WASN’T GOING TO ——————– at least, he BELIEVED she wouldn’t. Not this time.
Within a few moments, he was sat in the corner beside her. But it wasn’t enough, and slowly, CAREFULLY, with a little effort, he lifted himself OUT of the wheelchair, rather unceremoniously COLLAPSING onto the floor. Dragged himself back BESIDE HER against the wall. Breathe. He was FINE. This was fine. )
“ ——————————– I’m NOT HIM… “
( Quiet words, spoken EVER-SO-DELICATELY, because it didn’t take a GENIUS to figure it out, and he was certainly that AND MORE. When they had first met, he had SENSED IT, a deep trauma to her. She had recognized the feeling, the feeling of another INSIDE HER HEAD. Someone like him had been in there, MUDDLED EVERYTHING UP, and that… that PAIN… he couldn’t fix that. It was something which Jessica would have to figure out ON HER OWN. All he could do, was make a few things ABUNDANTLY CLEAR. )
“ And I’m not here to help you. TRUTH BE TOLD, I can’t ——————– not unless you WANT ME TO. What I’m here for, is to listen, and promise you that I will NEVER HURT YOU. And, if you feel like, one day, you could… you CAN TRUST ME. “
he approaches, makes his case & she listens.
one thing she’s learned from her job is how different each person can be from one another. motivations, experiences, reactions, all having subtly matching to a different beat. intricacies in the human collective make the species as a whole varied. no two people are precisely alike. knowing that, though, doesn’t make it any easier for her to trust other people. especially not someone capable of doing what xavier can. what KILGRAVE can. that’s the only similarity she requires in order for them both to seem the same. a flawed, broken perspective, she knows. but one that’s there nonetheless.
emotionally fatigued, but markedly calm (at least in comparison to a few moments ago), jessica stays leaned against the wall in the corner of her dingy, cheap apartment. her back is to him, like she’s trying to forget who’s talking to her altogether. just to make it easier. “ that’s an easy promise to make, is’t it? “ she asks, pulling her knees up to her chest & wrapping both arms around them. a deep inhale through her nose, palm coming up to wipe at her nostrils before it falls back to her legs.
jones lets her head drop down, tired of the effort in keeping it up. “ he raped me. “ she says plainly, almost void of emotion. even now, though, she finds herself searching for the right way to describe it. “ over … & over … & over again. “ it’s a muddy trek back through disgusting, hazy memories. “ but. he … MADE me want it. i obviously didn’t, & i never did, but it FELT like i did. there’s nothing so confusing, so disgusting, & so thoroughly … intrusive. invasive. horrible. & … he … FORCED me … to beg for it. “ now she seems hollow, empty, tears listlessly falling & crashing against the wooden floorboards. “ he forced me to do a lot of things. for him, to him; to others people. “ nails idly carve into the flesh of her knee, a bit of blood smearing over pale skin. “ he kept me for months. & every night, he’d … “
words trail off, since she doesn’t need to elaborate on that topic any further. he can probably guess where that’d been going. “ he also utilized my … gifts. i broke arms for his amusement, legs, fingers. not mine, obviously, i was too valuable to him. & he, uh … “ all she can see now is her face. reva connors. “ made me kill a woman. punched her hard enough in the chest to kill her instantly. “
out of all the things she’s revealed in this little sit down, it’s that aspect which compels her voice to break. “ & kilgrave, he, “ choking back a sob, she searches for the words, grasping them before they float away into darkness, “ he didn’t even … REALIZE what he’d done. that’s probably the most disgusting, terrifying part. when i told him that he’d raped me, he was shocked. genuinely, truly shocked. motherfucker … “ she tucks back a strand of messy hair. “ he insisted that i misunderstood his orders. so he tried to blame me for killing that woman. “
now she slowly turns to face xavier, eyes bloodshot & looking like a mess. “ so, telling me that you’d never hurt me? it’s all too clear that it’s just a matter of perspective. & i have no idea what your’s might be like. & when someone can just … DECIDE that their own way is the right one? “ she shakes her head, closes her eyes. “ that makes it difficult to trust anyone that can do what he could. “
( His patience was starting to WEAR THIN. Allowed her her moment, didn’t prod her to TALK about whatever was upsetting her, and HE was the asshole? … OF COURSE he was. When it came to JESSICA JONES, everything was turned UPSIDE DOWN. )
“ Any other curse words you’d like to fling at me, today? I have such a lovely preference for PRETENTIOUS BASTARD, personally. “
she’s STRUGGLING to keep her COMPOSURE, despite having been given PRECISELY what she’s WANTED: another person’s SCORN. that’s what it FEELS like she’s getting, at least, & all it seems to do is make things W O R S E. “ yeah! “ she answers, knowing DAMN WELL how self-destructive she’s being. the way she’s R A T I O N A L I Z E D it, if she becomes AGREEABLE or something, charles might actually waste his T I M E on her. she isn’t WORTH that. of that, jessica is CONVINCED.
but she doesn’t come at him, instead turning her emotions AWAY. that alone shows that she is conscious of how CHARLES feels, which makes it all the more puzzling that she begins going on an O F F E N S I V E tangent. “ yeah, there is! you FUCKING HOLIER-THAN-THOU, “ her fists flies through the wall with ease, “ T E L E P A T H I C, “ she lifts a stationary heater – something a petite woman like her has no business being able to hold above her head – & CRASHES it against her desk. “ SHIT-EATING, COCK GOBLIN ! NOBODY ASKED YOU TO COME HERE, YOUNOSY PIECE OF SHIT. “ she snags the lamp off her desk, rips it in HALF with little to no effort. “ NOBODY WANTS YOUR HELP. NOBODY ASKED FOR IT! “ streams glisten off her face, cheeks & nose going red from her emotionally charged RAVING. “ YOU CAN’T HELP EVERYONE! YOU CAN’T !! SO WHY DON’T YOU FUCK OFF– “ she gasps back a sob, takes a look at the DESTRUCTION she’s wrought, then back to him before she collapses in the corner of her apartment.
jessica curls up into herself, EMBARRASSED & OVERCOME with grief. in that moment, she is showing what she’s always REFUSED to: WEAKNESS. HELPLESSNESS. a SLAVE to her own sorrows, her own DARKNESS & TRAUMA. it’s what she loathes most & what she DENIES above all else. she never wants to feel what she had with KILGRAVE ever again & being reduced to this does PRECISELY that. more importantly, it shows the LASTING impact he’s had on her life. even now that he’s gone, she sees him in her DREAMS – in her waken NIGHTMARES, over her shoulder in the night or WHISPERING into her ear.
giving him shit isn’t going to help. she’s already had her go at him before, so continuing to rip into the guy would only be cruel & that’s one thing she isn’t; rude, ill-mannered, volatile … but never cruel.
“ just quit looking at me like i’m a wild pitbull. “
“ ——————– Yes. That’s what PEOPLE DO when they’re treated as HOSTILE and had insults DRUNKENLY SLURRED at them. “
“ being drunk had nothing to do with it. i don’t give a shit if you have trouble NOT slipping into people’s minds without permission. that’s up to you to work on. “
( She was strong ——– incredibly strong. Could definitely beat him to a pulp if she wanted to, all while using barely enough energy to wipe away dust. But she wasn’t a mutant, not quite. That much, he could sense, desperately trying to block her out. Too much raw power, these days. Left unchecked by years of suppression, trying so hard to be anyone but himself.
Just because you ignore something, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t grow, every day, becoming stronger, larger than life, more difficult to grasp. Shutting out the voices ——– sometimes, it felt like shutting out an avalanche. And that failure, that feeling of being a broken toy, feeling like a student instead of the great Professor he was supposed to be ——– it only fed the darker voices. The ones underneath. The ones that belonged to himself.
But he was down. Wheels hit the floor, and he felt an inkling of relief, knowing that at least a fragment of the danger had passed. For a few moments, he simply breathed, heart eventually slowing to an almost normal pace. But not quite. He’d never felt that feeling, of wanting to be at least five steps away from someone. He could almost always rely on his abilities to keep him safe, to calm a person down, somehow. But to use them now ——– they were the exact thing throwing this woman into rage? Why?
Empathize, Charles. It’s what you do. )
“ Charles ——– Charles Xavier. I——– I was wondering——– I was going to ask for help ——– tracking someone down. You’re a Private Investigator ——– are you not? Alias Investigations? “
(She knew what it was like. Having someone in her head. Most people didn’t have a clue, didn’t even realize he was there, didn’t even react, but she… she detected it. Oh God ——– she’d been through it before. Another telepath? Or something worse? The darker aspects of what he could do ——– he almost dreaded to think what someone else would do with those abilities. In the wrong hands… )
“ This was a bad idea ——– I apologize. I——– you won’t hear from me again, I assure you… “
bringing out the worst in people also means knowing when someone is lying. picking up the subtle whiffs of bullshit in the undercurrent, discerning it from the truth. anyone good at deception knows that intertwining truth with fiction is most efficient – realizing that makes unveiling falsities easier. but try as she might, jessica can’t seem to pin down any one particular fabrication. she dare think that he’s being sincere in the way he stammers, voice raw with trepidation & trembling like a leaf on the eve of winter.
tension boils hot beneath an emotionally brittle exterior. palms & fingertips are imprinting themselves on the metal arms of his high-end wheelchair. finding only veracity in his eyes & voice worsens the distrust she feels, making her consider the possibility that he’s already nestled there in her mind. attempting to settle her into a false sense of security.
a liquor tinged exhale is telling: jessica’s mind isn’t completely her own, due entirely to a half bottle of whiskey. that doesn’t stop her from conducting herself with paranoia, though. nor does it dull her wit. all it manages to do is curve the trauma – keeps her mind unsullied for the rest to come … suppresses the nightmares.
“ who referred you to me? “
voice stern, solid – demanding.
main street …
“ why me ? “
now she’s shouting, pressuring him into a quick answer. working at his fear, utilizing it. she feels like shit for doing that. but she repeats her questions, keeping him frantic.
birch street …
“ WHO REFERRED YOU ?! “
higgins drive …
“ WHY ME ?! “
cobalt lane …
the left arm of his chair, seized in her right hand, is crushed as she shouts.
( It didn’t help. All he had was his sincerity, and it was useless, the woman too far gone, too broken herself, too… haunted, to accept an honest apology. But it was more than that. She was more than that, and he should’ve seen it, should’ve picked up on it sooner, the second he’d picked up on her. But no ——– it took a great display of her strength to show exactly what she was capable of.
He hadn’t fully adjusted to the lack of his legs once more. The first time around, he hadn’t learned how to defend himself in an emergency. This, his fate being entirely in the hands of a woman like her, so livid, almost crazed ——– he would define it as an emergency. To know he had nothing on her, couldn’t use his ability to save himself without potentially endangering him more, in the long run…
He hadn’t felt fear in such a long time. Real, actual fear. The kind you get from growing up with a boy who turned you into his personal punching bag. Who screwed you over at every chance he got. The kind of fear you had to bottle up, because you had no one you could tell. The kind of fear covered up by flimsy excuses of clumsy behaviour.
His hand was shaking, trembling violently as he clung to the arm of his chair. Well, look at that. He was nine years old again. )
“ It was an ACCIDENT——– I didn’t intend——– please put me down, I—- I can’t THINK! “
the man, his wheelchair – lifting both from the ground & holding them against the wall doesn’t even necessitate mild effort. while she might not be the strongest freak this world has to offer, the meager weight suspended feels like little more than a paperweight. a chatty, invasive, frantic one, but a paperweight nonetheless. breaking him at the first sign of hostility is an easy enough thing for her to accomplish, physically speaking, of course. if his abilities are anything kilgrave’s, though, then it won’t be as simple as that.
maybe it’s a terrifying thing to admit it, but she’s got to tackle the fact head-on: this man’s power could could very well be a more potent variation of what dear old kevin can do. at the very least, he doesn’t seem like a sociopath – that, if nothing else, is able to put her mind just a bit more at ease. muscles tense, pulled taut beneath fair tinted skin, she cautiously lets the wheels of his chair touch the ground.
but this, by no means, indicates any level of trust towards him. no one capable of delving into people’s minds & tugging on their strings like a marionette can ever be truly trusted. that sort of control is far too seductive; she’s experienced it first hand. pushing aside whatever traumas afflict her, jessica submerges herself in protocol. attempts to find relief through veiling her broken parts with elements of her professional job.
she keeps her hands on the arms of his wheelchair, leaned in towards him to keep him from forgetting she’s serious. “ who are you? “ she asks directly, staring him dead in the eye, demonstrating both strength & resilience in the face of shit she doesn’t understand.
( He didn’t mean to ——– it was like second nature. He didn’t like surprises, he needed to know. Strangers, people he didn’t trust… it was so easy, half the time he didn’t even know he was doing it. Baseline thoughts whispered in his own head all the time, whispers which were not his own. Blocking them out was exhausting, so much so that he didn’t often try, just learned not to listen.
Her voice was loud, too loud, intense, and her thoughts were practically screaming, like suffering nasty feedback. Almost reacting instinctively, Charles’ hands flew to his ears, wishing he could drown out the painful noise. And when it finally subsided, did his hands slowly lower, trembling. His power was too strong. His control, after so long of using medication to drown it out, wasn’t as fine as it used to be. It was an accident. )
“ I’m sorry! I——– ah——– I didn’t mean to… “
( Words became meaningless, faded into embarrassing, guilty silence. That feeling? It wasn’t the sort to go away over night. )
“ WHAT were you trying to do ?! “
whatever he’d been doing stirred up both emotions & thoughts alike. memories best left buried beneath layers of frigid, brusque attitude are dragged, kicking & screaming, to the forefront of her mind. an intrusion like that – it doesn’t matter how fervently he apologizes. it’s goddamn terrifying to know another person like kilgrave is out there. that knowledge is worsened by the method with which she’s discovered that bit of information.
jessica makes a dash at him, grabbing the arms of his wheelchair & sliding him back hard against the wall. she lifts it with ease, keeping the chair with him in it pinned. “ WHY were you in my head?! “ jones doesn’t relent, even after realizing that he’s about as broken as she is in some places.
Triggering topics are acceptable as long as theyβre tagged.
Written by Michi
O O C .
Mun and muse are both of age.
I reply at the speed of molasses, and I do prioritize threads that click with me the best.
This blog will be loaded with spoilers! Jessica Jones spoilers will NOT be tagged starting January, 2016. Any movie in theaters or between theaters and home release WILL be tagged. Spoilers for TV Shows will ALSO be tagged.
I am available on skype, though I might be spotty. Anyone is free to add me, just be sure to tell me who you are or Iβll assume youβre a spam bot! My skype is {the.yummy.michi}
Mun and muse are separate! While Jessica and I have our similarities, we also have many differences. Donβt assume that Jessica is speaking on my behalf.
F O L L O W I N G .
This blog is selective!
The reason for me choosing not to follow someone is mine alone.
It takes me a long time to look through my followers. So if you have followed me in the past month or two, I likely havenβt seen it yet. My follower count frequently fluctuates, and Iβm lazy, so it is not something I keep up with regularly.
I will prioritize mutuals, but I will also interact with non-mutuals.
Just because I donβt follow you doesnβt mean you arenβt welcome to interact with me or send me an ask.
F E E L F R E E T O...
Remind me about an RP! Just be reasonable and understanding.
Tag me in a starter or send me an ask!
Reply to my open posts
Add me on skype, or message me to plan a thread
Ask the mun or muse questions
Become a friend of mine!
Offer constructive criticism.
Give feedback.
D O N O T ...
Be judgmental.
Attempt to force a ship onto me.
Attempt to force smut onto me.
Be rude, or generally insulting/unpleasant (OOC).
I N T E R A C T I O N S
I am open to one liners, Para, Multi-Para and even Novella length threads! The latter, however, will take longer for me to reply to under most circumstances.
Crack is welcome and encouraged!
I prefer that my partners be literate! This isnβt to sound cruel, but I find it difficult to follow posts in which I cannot understand what is happening.
You do not need to match length, but be reasonable. If I post a paragraph, or multi-paragraph, open starter and you reply with a single line, I will ignore it. There are exceptions, but Iβll leave you to determine these for yourselves.
NSFW will happen eventually! Whether it be smut, gore, ect.
I am very open to ideas and cross-fandom interaction! I also welcome OCs.
Dark topics, ones that typical are identified as triggers, are welcome here as long as they are tagged! Very few things bother me and Iβm actually deeply intrigued by the darker side of literature. As long as subjects are handled appropriately, then I am willing to give it a shot.
Unless it is properly justified, your muse should not know every detail about Jessicaβs life! Your muse should not have information that isnβt publicly available, unless there is an acceptable reason for it.
I tend to avoid OC Relatives to my muse. I can make exceptions, though, at my own discretion. Contact me before interacting.
I reply to some people faster than others. Please, do not take it personally. More often than not, it is because my muse takes me to certain threads before others. Whether it be because of the character, the writing style, or because I know the mun ooc.
No godmodding.
S H I P P I N G
This is a multiship blog.
All relationships exist in separate timelines/universes/ect. Unless stated otherwise.
I may eventually have a "Main Ship".
Chemistry comes before everything! I have my ships, but it should work on both ends before anyone makes it a thing.
Smut is not a necessity! Iβm perfectly fine with including it, but it is, by no means, a requirement.
Smut does NOT equal a ship.
There should be some sort of development before a ship begins!
I DO have exclusive ships, which means I will not ship with a duplicate of the muse. See below.
E X C L U S I V I T Y
Generally, I do interact with duplicates of other muses. HOWEVER, it is entirely possible for me to have an exclusive ship partner or an exclusive partner of a certain muse. Whatβs this mean? Simply put, if I have an exclusive ship partner, then I will not ship with a duplicate of that muse. I will interact with duplicates of that muse, hell they might even sleep together. But the pair will NOT end up in a relationship. THIS IS A FLEXIBLE RULE. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT IT, THEN SIMPLY ASK. If I have an exclusive RP partner, then that means I will not interact with a duplicate of that muse.
L A S T L Y ...
This looks and sounds like a lot. I know that. But, really, this blog is super lax. So donβt let the wall of text steer you away any. Donβt be afraid to just jump in and have fun.
credits
theme code & background were creatd by @devilout for akaknightress exclusively.
all icons that match the following were commissioned. they were created by @devilout for akaknightress exclusively. stealing them would be highly rude and frowned upon.
please do not lift bits of code, or steal. come to @devilout directly if you are interested in something. thank you.
