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burgledthem:

It’s not HARD to see the good in people when you care about them. The real challenge is getting a person who feels negatively towards themselves to believe there’s more to them than the bad things they’ve done – whatever they may be. Being in prison has expanded his mind in that regard – things aren’t always black and white; in fact, they rarely ever are. There’s like a bazillion shades of gray in between and they have nothing to do with a shitty novel about a sex torture dungeon.

She isn’t some sort of lost cause.

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         ❛ …Jess? Trust me on this one. I know. I don’t know WHAT you’ve done, but I know you feel badly enough about it that it’s to the point where you FEEL like a terrible person for it. As messed up as that sounds, it’s proof enough that you aren’t an entirely bad person. At the very least, it’s a step in the right direction. If you ask me, and I know you didn’t – but you’re just… a GOOD person who was dealt some pretty shitty hands in life and you’re doing what you can to turn that around. ❜ He deliberately leaves out ‘and I can relate to that’ part of that sentence.

It’s likely she’s probably going to yell at him for that, but what else is he supposed to do – agree with her? 

As if.

          looking in the mirror turns her stomach. days go by without her longing for redemption
          being fulfilled. times come when she considers the possibility of actually waking up to
          a new day. a fresh start. emotions shift like tectonic plates & creates an earthquake on
          the surface. small, little thoughts rippling out to create a tidal wave. in spite of it all, she
          always ends up zeroing back in on the idea that she’s this terrible person. some days,
          she tries to blame kilgrave. but it always ends up with her just accepting the fact that
          she’s an abrasive asshole that turns away at the prospect of friends. a frigid
          loner painted in shades of purple & red – trauma & rage. 

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          a hand ascends to catch the tears before they show. movements are lumbering,
          sluggish, unmotivated. jessica’s inhale is sharp, nose running like a babbling
          child. so now she’s feeling disgraced, avoiding eye contact at all costs. all the
          waterworks are for a simple fact that she’s been considering lately: the horrible
          things about her aren’t restricted to her time with kilgrave. no, see, a lot
          of the pain comes from the way she’s been ever since then. the poor
          decisions, the reliance on alcohol, all the caustic, horrendous
          things she can say to people on a whim. 

               “ do you remember a man named kilgrave?
                  he was on the news a while back – same
                  time as me, & a little before. “

          she’s actually about to do this. but when it comes down to everything that’s
          happened, it’s hard to determine where to begin. the worst of it? hell, even if
          she decided to do that, she still couldn’t find out where to start. a lot of people
          might say that the frequent, systematic rape of her mind & body could be it.
          but she isn’t so sure anymore. how do you measure atrocities? compare them?
          jessica is beginning to think that the most nauseating of it all isn’t what’s been
          done to her, but what she’s done to others.

ÐØ